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When I was trying so hard to be the new version of myself, I got so lost on the track. Until I finally realised that the main reason to be a better version of ourselves is not merely about 'Yourself', instead of finding the real definition 'Living' and how much we do in life that will impact a positive things for the welfare of others.

And at first, we will see things in life differently.
We will be more careful about what we will going to show to others. Because you realised that not every people in this earth is truly care about the things you're about to allowed them to see.
We will be more watchful about what you're going to share to others. Because you realised that the people who's worth to be trusted of is someone who knows the REAL you, and still accept you the way you are and has no tendency to betray you (at least, your intuition told you so).


Every person on this earth, has it's own time to realise those things. It takes time, and no one has the right to judge it.

Just remember one thing,
"Good things, takes time".

By Fate

Andaikan saja, waktu dapat aku ulang.

Mencoba untuk melihat lebih dalam dan jauh ke dalam perasaan yang tersimpan rapat di hati itu.

Baru kini aku pahami.

Setelah semuanya sudah berada di tempatnya masing-masing,

Aku hanya bisa terdiam.

Langkah demi langkah,

Hari demi hari,

Waktu yang mungkin pernah disiapkan untuk dilewati bersama,

Telah berlalu bagaikan sebuah sepasang bunga diterpa oleh ombak di laut.

Kamu tidak akan pernah tahu kemana akan bunga tersebut berlabuh.

Atau bahkan, kamu pun tidak akan pernah tahu kapan bunga tersebut berhenti dan menemukan jalannya untuk bersama kembali.

Yang aku tahu pasti,

Getaran itu,

Degupan itu,

Tatapan itu,

Semua nya dapat aku artikan dengan jelas bahwa sedari dahulu..

Perasaan itu tetap berada di tempat pertama kali ia bergetar.

Tidak pernah berhenti.

Cinta itu memang buta.

Tetapi cinta memerlukan mata untuk pada akhirnya akan jatuh..

Jauh ke dalam hati.

Begitulah yang aku tahu tentang cinta.

Seperti halnya aku melihat kamu.

Saat tatapan dari kedua bola matamu bertemu denganku,

Aku merasakan sebuah getaran yang semakin memasuki ke dalam hatiku.

Dan membuatku semakin yakin akan keberadaan perasaan itu.

Meskipun sekarang kita berada di jalan yang berbeda,

Ingat lah pada malam itu,

Malam dimana bulan purnama bersinar begitu terang,

Kembang api yang bersorak indah di lautan langit,

Bahwa kita pernah merasakan kebersamaan bersama ciptaan Tuhan.

Fate, is that you?

BR*K*N

Have you ever imagine how it feels when…

- You go to the mall with family and you’re the one distancing from them because you being estrange?
- You live in the exact same roof with your family but doesn’t feel like home?
- You go back to ur house just to see ur room cause no one in the house seems happy to have you around?
- You miss having family that u love so much but you can’t have it anymore?
- You tried so many times and so hard to change in order to be the mature one cause you’re the only daughter in the house but you turned out to screw anything and being the one who always to be blamed of.
- You always looking for a friend to lay on, and wanted to cry with them and share to them how miserable you feel about family but you just too shy to admit it?
- You walked out from the door and pretend that all the pain you’ve been through inside of ur house will be gone eventually? But the ttruth is, its never really go. The pain stays with you
- You lost ur passion to cry all over the sadness because you tired of crying?
- You put a big.. big smile to everyone just to make sure no one notices that you’re not the broken little girl who’s seeking for… love? Affection? Attention? :“)
I pray to Allah SWT that one day when I have the chance to have a family, I don’t want my future kids to feel what I feel. I wanna give them the pure happiness that you don’t have to force to be happy, that is the happiness of being loved and loving family you ALWAYS have and ALWAYS will. No one leaves each other, but will always stick together no matter what.

And the answer is yes. I do feel it, I have felt it, I did feel it, and I still. 

(I just found out this post about a 2 years ago on my Tumblr page, and... decided to re-post this on my blog). 

Fyi, it brings back a whole lot of memories back then, and realized that moment, all of them made me stronger, made me who I am today. Maybe 2 years ago I feel broken and miserable, but today, I feel thankful of it, that experience of mine really teach me a lesson in a positive ways :) I know it only take times to recover from your sadness, you just need to be patient, and here's an ENFP quotes that made me get really through days by days..

People Should Know.

by the fact, we hate when someone judged us by our past, what we looks like on the outside, and etc, but sometimes, we judge people exactly the same how they judge us, rite? there are so many explanations to the question of “why” and I right now i’ll share with my point of view from my own experiences.

why? because we never tried to know em by personally, thats why we ‘judge’ and thats why understanding and misscommunication often occurs around us. 

Sometimes I wanna scream to their each faces to say that “I’m not like what he/she says about me” but we never knew if they don’t like us and judge us if they covered it with their two-poker-faces rite? haha what a shame..

Society nowadays are such a cruel places. They judge us by our looks, by what we have in our hands such as gadgets, what kind of brands are we wearing, how many people do we know, and mostly who we are in our own circles or society.

I’m talking this because I’m that kinda person who likes being whatever I am without even have to change my own personality so I can be like 'those people's'. 

People Should Know that once you try to fit in, and force ourselves to become someone like “em”, it’s just a waste of time, you only live once, make it ‘REAL’ and ‘SPECIAL’ in our own way.. Don’t make our generation become worse everyday just because people bring you down, make a shame of you because you were different and force to try to fit in. We are leader to ourselves, make a positive path starts from yourself, don’t you wanna be a ‘Trendsetter’? or just be tons of ‘followers’?

Let em judge us, let em talk behind our backs, let em bring us down, let em hate us, all we have to do are keep our chin up, make it an improvement to ourselves, and mostly… Smile. Just remember that everyone has their own weakness and ability, we are never be perfect, and we will never be. But always make lots of new day with positive thinking and you know there are so many people who loves us because they accept us the way we are. 

btw pardon my english language, readers :D:P

I’m talking like this because i just wanna share what i think people nowadays should know and not become a character assassination to every of us. thank u !!

-NYN

#VISUALISTA2011

First of all, Thanks to Allah SWT who had given us strength, patience, and the successful of this Islamic Village event :)

Alhamdulillah banget acara yang awal-awalnya panitia semuanya pesimis sama ini acara, nyari sponsor mati-matian gara-gara ngajukin proposalnya di pertengahan taun, beuh.. perjuangan banget deh. kerasa banget yang kerja dari NOL sampe sekarang, bermakna dan alhamdulillah banget ini acara sukses poooooollll dan katanya nih yaa Visualista termasuk terbesar se Tangerang :D take a look of the stage ya'all!!!

Sumpah... semuanya bener-bener kebayar di malam 17 desember itu, sakit-sakitnya gue sampe masuk rumah sakit gara-gara kecapean, gondok-gondoknya sama keputusan satu sudut, kerja tiap hari tanpa liat jam, diomelin lalalala, tp intinya ikhas sih.. Alhamdulillah bener-bener bersyukur banget :")

Ini acara dari semua unit, SMP SSN, SMP RSBI, SMK, &SMA. Awal-awal rapat tuh bener-bener krik..krik..krik.. karna belum kenal satu sama lain di b

erb

agai unit, tp lama kelamaan.. yang namanya batesan apa jarak, udh gak ada lagi! SMA main SMK gabung yaa gabung-gabung aja, SMP SSN ke SMP RSBI juga, dll :D yang pastinya, yang tdnya jauh jadi dekeeeeeet banget, terus banyak yang jadian juga disini! h

ahaha lotta memories with all of visualista's crew bgt :"D

Meskipun acara tersebut udah selesai, anak-anak visualista tetep suka ngumpul, dimulai dr anak cowonya yg suka futsalan bareng, terus cewe-cewenya yang nontonin, ngomongin tentang Visualista2012 (aminamin.. angkatan gue ;p), sama plan terbaru kita sekaligus pembubaran panitia di acara taun baruan dirumah bang bos kitaaaaaa bang iqrar.

Inilah beberapa foto-foto panitia 3 hari setelah acara puncak:

dan gak kalah serunya sama konvoi yang diadain divisualista ini:

LOVE YOU ALL VISUALISTA 2011 CREWS!!!! <3

xoxo.

what do you think?

am i wrong to pretend? as if everything is okay? well, im good at pretending.. so, you better watch out next time.
what the heck is going on here? huh? what did i just wrote? a drama? a soap opera? or.... about a real fact about what's happening around us? oh God, i wish every of my questions everyone will answer it literally.

im hiding so much facts, im too much in pressure every each day, but.. i guess its such a lesson for my future, 'the more i get hurt, the stronger person i am' i always keep that word in my head.. why am i so overreacting rite about now? about... this post? no, im so not. im just talking about the things that happen to every of us. everyone has their own secret that they wont be revealed,and everyone has their own pain that they dont want to show... just to make everything is alright.

you guys should be proud of yourself, every little things about these are just one of the facts about a real life drama.
just so u know, im still young, and im still in senior high school. who is still searching and find out... 'who am i?" "what am i gonna be?" "what the really i am?" oh believe me, you do too.
i always wanna be someone who inspiring everyone, to always see positive one, the other's side of story, and the truth behind the lie. (agak melenceng deh sepertinya, haha),but seriously, thats true.

ababil? iya. emosi up and down? iya. out of control? yes. well, itu salah satu proses kita, sebagai remaja yang kelak akan menjadi dewasa nantinya, just so u know.. apapun kekurangan lo, sebanyak apapun kesalahan lo dimasa lalu, sesakit apapun rasanya jadi 'underdog' (tertindas) in your school, atau... ya segelincir masalah-masalah lo itu, ambil positifnya aja, jadiin suatu pengalaman yang berawal dari pelajaran tersebut, boleh kok kita feel lyk "damn,why do i have to feel like this?" "kenapa gak orang lain aja?" or so much grumble about your life, but seriously, just feel happy about being yourself, hidup itu keras! keras itu yang buat kita lembut, which is... maksud gue, lembut dengan arti lebih sabar.

dan ya,dengan kita mengerti diri kita itu siapa, terutama dengan kita bisa mengerti dan tau kekurangan kita itu apa, you can find the best thing about yourself, everyone! you may think kalo kekurangan lo itu bener-bener ngerugiin lo, bener-bener bawa lo ke setiap masalah, but you have to slip about a word lyk 'im not that ugly' 'im not that bad' etc, being honest to yourself, and you can bless for everything that God's gave to you, so you can bless about the best thing about yourself because you've accepted for the things everyone would every dreamed of, weakness.

honestly, gue juga susah, susah banget buat menerima, susah.. lyk crazeh! tapi, dengan gue cari tau apa kekurangan gue, kelebihan gue, seenggaknya gue bisa tau dan.. memanfaatkannya untuk kedepan, entah memanfaatkannya buat diri gue sendiri, atau orang lain, intinya dengan cara itu, kita bisa terima diri kita itu siapa. stop complaining about yourself and get ready to bring the best all you've got!

oh iya, kalo dipikir-pikir emg agak gak nyambung yah sama yang atas-atas ~,~ tapi  intinya disini gua cuman mau ngasih tau aja kok :) semoga berguna ya maaf kalo ada kata-kata yang gakjelas :)

parent's thought about us.

as based on the titled above.... i'm gonna tell you guys about that. from the point of my seeing about them, about what they THINK, what they WANTED, and the last but not least.. WHAT THEY REALLY EXPECTED from us.

...................for sure, they (parents) always think that we're never gonna get enough to the poin of their expected us to be. they wanted us to be like another child (who's exactly have the higher talents than us) but the fact is.. we CANNOT! just like the titled of Ke$ha song's "WE R WHO WE R" and you.. my parents, or for every parents who have a child like me, UNDERSTAND US PLEASE! this is me, this is my life, you brought me to be like this, and of course.. "MY ATTITUDE IS BASED ON HOW YOU TREATED ME, so far".

i'm writing this, not because merely i wanted to throw mud about being P-A-R-E-N-T's. no, NOT! i just think that you guys should be more understand about me, my time of period being like this (as a teenager's). and i really wanted you guys just let me have a quality time for me and my friends, and i will sincerely willing my time to be with you guys as much as you want me to. and what i really EXPECTED from you guys is.........let me have my time everytime you guys asked me to be like what you wanted, i need an adaption. I NEED A TIME.

you know guys, we're the same like you, and we're HOW YOU USED TO BE. don't ya let us to feel what we REALLY SHOULD feel at the period like this? and now? and please, don't make the exactly same way you guys used to be to us for now, the era of you guys and the era of us are changing already, 180 degree.

i can protect of my association, i can choose who are the exactly wrong or right. and i still love being me, i even don't want to plunge myself into the 'thing' goes wrong. BOLD THAT.

so please guys, my parents.... understand me. :( i love you all

-by: all teenagers

Suka, Sayang& Cinta :')

Hey guys, sbnrnya gue ngepost ini karna emang lg bener2 unexpected bgt. Tb2 terlintas aja dipikiran gue. Let me explain the difference among Like Care/Pity& Love:

Suka/Like:

Dimana pertama kali lo ketemu dia, lo ngerasa dia paling beda dr yang lain-lain. Dan rasa ingin tau tentang dia bener-bener klimaks banget. Contoh: lo ke mall, tiba-tiba ada cowo/cewe jalan lawan arus sama lo, dia ngeliatin l

o dan lo juga berpapasan ngeliatin dia, lo ngerasa dia bagaikan.... Angel's from the sky (lebay) haha ato terserah lo bagaikan apa tp intinya WAH.

Sayang/Care/Pity:

Nah, disini nih perasaan dimana paling paling nyiksa diri banget! (Bagi yang pernah di gantung hubungannya, dikhianatin, ditinggalin dll). Karna disinilah perasaan yang sebenernya bener2 ngebingungin bgt, dimana lo msh ada perasaan s

msh ada perasaan suka, tp bs juga dibilang sayang. Contoh: Lo udah deket sm si Dia, setiap hari lo chat sm dia, sms, atopun telfonan intinya udh kea pacaran. Tp lo gak ada status sama sekali sama dia, temen.... Udah lebih kan? Sahabat? Juga udah lebih (bagi yang gebetannya udah kea tempat curhat dan tau tentang lo apapun), nah pacar? Juga bukan, tapi akan, dan bs engga jadi.

Disatu sisi, lo gakmau kehilangan dia, tp disisi lain lo butuh penjelasan dr dia mau Lanjut apa Engga (the hardest part) *menurut gue. (I can't explain it anymore about it, gue sendiri juga gaktau sebenernya Sayang itu apa, dan ini yg gue tau beberapa).

Cinta/Love:

Hm okay guys, lo semua udh masuk Tahap paling Akhir dr Suka, Sayang& Cinta.

Kedengerannya sedikit aneh, "cinta".... Apa itu cinta?

Gue sendiri juga gaktau, sayang aja gue juga masih bingung apalagi yg satu ini? Tapi ini yg gue tau tentang cinta. Contoh: Lo sama dia tetep masih ngejalanin HTS (hubungan tanpa status), tapi ada sesuatu perasaan yang ngeganjel dihati lo, lo mulai ngerasa gak mau kehilangan dia, mulai ngerasa takut akan ditinggal dia, selalu memikirkan dia dan selalu berfikir "apa gue disayang sm dia?" (Lo udah tau kalo lo sayang sm dia). Generally nya begitu. Lo akan ngerasain Suka, Sayang& Cinta itu apa kalo dia mulai pudar. Dalam arti mulai ninggalin lo, mulai ngebales chat ato sms lo singkat2, dan ketauan sm lo dia punya gebetan baru.

Inti dr semuanya itu, dimana lo ngerasa suka... Karna tertarik akan fisiknya, ngerasa sayang... Karna nyaman deket dia, ngerasa Cinta karna....... Lo tau siapa dia. Meskipun sekalipun lo tau dia itu gimana, contoh: dia punya aib yang bener2 MENJIJIKAN kea... Bau ketek, jarang mandi, tolol, bego, paling bodoh dikelas, dll. Tapi lo tetep Sayang sm dia. Itu yang gue tau arti Cinta itu apa. Cinta mencakup semuanya, Suka& Sayang. Lo akan merasakan betapa harta paling berharga kalo lo mencintai dan dicintai, betapa indahnya dunia akan kehadiran Cinta dihidup lo. Cinta engga ngeliat usia, fisik, aib lo, dll. Karna Cinta itu perasaan tulus dr hati seseorang.

Okay guys, mungkin segini aja menurut gue tentang Suka, Sayang& Cinta. mungkin terdengar MENJIJIKAN buat lo2 pada, tapi gue disini cuman pengen sharing aja apa itu arti Suka, Sayang, dan terutama Cinta. Semoga lo bisa tau gimana perasan lo terhadap yg lg deket sm lo lo pada, goodluck guys! ;D

what i did today

hey guys, im back. jd gini, td gue pengambilan raport UAS. gue kasih nilai2nya deh nih:

Raport Umum.

Pendidikan Agama: 76 (lulus kkm)

Pendidikan Kewernegaraan: 70 (lulus kkm)

Bahasa Indonesia: 69 (lulus kkm) the lowest score-_-'

Bahasa Inggris: 80 (lulus kkm) the highest score ;)

Matematika: 73 (lulus kkm)

IPA: 71 (lulus kkm)

IPS: 65 (lulus kkm)

Seni Budaya: 80 (lulus kkm) the highest score ;)

PLKJ: 75 (lulus kkm)

TIK: 70 (lulus kkm)

PLKJ: 70 (lulus kkm)

BTAQ: 80 (lulus kkm) the highest score ;)

sebenernya adalagi raport agama, cuman gue lupa dimana, ilang ;p gara gara.......... let the story begins.

jd tadi tuh pengambilan raport kan ya. yang ngambil itu bokap gue. jarang banget gilabokap gue yang ngmabil, biasanya nyokap gt. terus pas gue sampe sekolah, temen2 tuh udh pd pulang dan hell heck gue sendirian-_- and fortunately ada mul yang mau balik ke sekolahan lg pdhal dia udh pulang gt deh<3>

terus, pas itu sls deh. gue selama perjalanan musti nya ke BTA bimbel mau daftar tapinya tutup. nah, gue sebenernya udh diingetin buat jemput supir gue di mana gt gue lupa, tapi gue lupa ingetin bokap. and pas gue ud nyampe deket BSD kerumahnya odie, bokap br inget dan biasalah. marah2in gue, EH MANUSIA TAK LUPUT DR KESALAHAN YA CAMKAN! lagian udh tau gue pelupa masih ada minta gue buat ngingetin sesuatu -_- wooo salah siapa ;p

terus udh disiti deh bokap gue udh kumat marah2nya. oklah gue terima walupun dlm hati keselbgt.

gue ngerasa, bokap gue kok..... gak pernah ya bangga sm gue? gak pernah mengahargai usaha gue. sedikit pun keanya gak pernah. sakit bgt rasanya. jujur ya gue belajar itu bukan cuman buat gue doang, bukan belajar hanya semata mata bertanggung jawab sbg pelajar. tapi buat biarbokap gue bangga sm gue, dan mama dan aunty gue. tapi taunya apa yang gue dapet? bentak2an, marah2an, hfffff cukup deh ya. kesabaran aku ada batasnya pa -_-'

gue tau gue sering buat bokap gue sakit hati tanpa gue sadari, tapi begitupun kebalikannya. gue pengen bs bgt ngeBangga in bokap gue, terutamanya. karna gue ngerasa dia yang paling2 berperan dalam hidup gue. he's my hero ;) even though he's often to make me angry with him too.

gue sempet frustasi banget td pas pulangkerumah, wifi dicabut. pdhal gue kira kalo gue buka laptop dan main internet akan lupa dengna ke frustasian yang gue pendem td selama diperjalanan. tau nya?!!!!!!! di matiin cuy. yaudah gue berlaga sok cool aja naik keatas dengan gayanya edward cullen -_- (loh?) sampe dikamar................. gue transform jd org gila abis. selimut gue taro bawah, nonjokin tembok, nyallahin lagu di laptop paling kenceng, lagu rock, and raport gue lempar2 gue lecek2in HHAHAHAHAHAH bomat, buat apaan tu raport, kagak ada yang PEDULI sama sekali ini wokwokwok nyokap gue aja gak tanya-_- huuu sedihnya gue.

sembari frusttasti dikamar, gue ya biasalah nangis gtgt deh. gue sempet mohon minta mati lah ini lah itulah, aaaah aneeh.

yaudah deh gue ketiduran gt satu jam-an. gue bangun gue udh mulai kagak stress lg tuh. gue beresin kamar. entah kenapa kok gue bs tenangan gt ya........

abis itu gue sholat isya,soalnya lupa sholat td. eeeh gue bener2 hatinya tuh tenaaaangbgt. gue doa biar bokap gue........sensor.

terus ya kan bb gue kea sempet error gt deh gakbs dipake. eh pas sls sholat langsung bs lagi -_-' guengerasa, kalo gue sabar dan rela serta iklas pasti sesuatu yang kita mau insyaAllah akan datang. abis ituuuuu bokap gue dateng ke kamar sok baik gt weheeee dia malah ngizinin nyalahin wifi AAAAAAAAAAHAHA sennengbgt gue yiiiipey. okelah mangkanya skrg gue bs main internet hihi ;D

hm sebenernya ada beberapa pelajaran yg bs lo petik dr cerita gue. dan nilai2 apa aja.

pertama: kalo lo sabar mengahdapi sesuatu atau seseorang, insyaAllah lo bakalan tambah tenang hati nya, dan jika orang itu tau lo udh sabar banget, dia bakalan baikin lo dan ngerasa berhutang budi sm lo. jd, be patient ya ;P

kedua: kalo lo rela dengan keadaan lo yang bener2 parahbgt, maksudnya merelakan sepenuh nya ke Allah, niscaya Allah SWT akan ngenbantu lo, ngebuatrasa stress lo atau frustasiann lo itu ilang.

ketiga: kalo lo ikhlas dengan misalnya, ya kea gue gt, hape gue rusak tiba2 pdhal gue urgent bgt sama tu hape, tapi gue ikhlasin aja sm Allah, ehhh taunya apa? hape gue bisa nyalah lg kan? ;D

kalo nilai apa aja yang bs lo ambil itu banyak, salah satunya itu: Sabar, Rela, dan Ikhlas.

yaudah deh ya segini aja, maaf bgttt kalo ada kata2 yang gak nyambung atau sok lah apa lah gue cuman mau ngesharing cerita gue hr ini apa aja, apa yg gue lakuin hari ini. semoga bs ngebantu lo lo pada ya ;P